This idea for a post has been playing around in my head for a while now. Months.So, this is going to be a long post.
Sex. In America, sex sells. It does everywhere else too, but everything and anything is sexualised in the USA. It is one of the most talked about subjects, between both genders. A friend of mine, after only meeting a few times, straight up asked us how many guys we'd been with. Sex is a completely open subject; with most people being completely comfortable telling you about their previous sexual partners, comparing anatomy, different positions and levels of kinkiness. The arrival of 50 Shades of Grey, and its resulting movie, has also brought it into all kinds of media limelight and scrutiny (or since it last was there, which may have been not too long ago, as sex sells).
This isn't exactly a revelation to me. I'm nineteen, so sex isn't new; it just struck me how much Americans talk about it. And how in depth. I knew more about my American friends sex lives after four months than I do about my friends from high schools'. Yes, people have sex, but it's an kind of abstract concept, a subject skirted around in polite company, no detail to it there. What happens behind closed doors, and all that. It's just accepted, and really only talked about in subtext.
I said sex is the most talked about subject in America. I don't have any evidence to back up this claim, but from my experience, it's true. Being curious about sex is encouraged, as well as asking questions about others' sex lives (and giving opinions on it). However, even though it could be the most talked about subject, its also the least talked about. I have barely heard any of my friends talk about the emotional questions about sex, which are the ones that I want to know about.
I am not the most experienced with sex (this might play into why I'm writing this post), in fact, I am one of the least experienced people you could know in this subject. To put it simply, I'm a 19 year old virgin. (Sorry if that was too much information, I'm just being honest, and refuse to be embarrassed about it.) My friends, when doing the polls for our years' Yearbook, voted for me in the category of 'Most Likely to Become an Adult Movie Star', and I came second, because everyone thought it was that hilarious and ironic. I'm not doing it for religious reasons, and I don't intend to wait until marriage to have sex. It just hasn't happened. I haven't had that connection with someone that I'm looking for. I'd quite like to be actually involved with someone at least semi-seriously before I have sex with them. Its not a big deal, it is just how I feel. No matter how lightly America treats the subject, or Britain's ignoring it, sex is a big deal. And not just to fist-timers like me, but everyone. It creates an intimacy between two people that can't be replicated easily.
I have a friend who struggles with this intimacy, easily developing feelings for guys after they sleep together, with the guys not reciprocating these feelings. She believes that guys only want to sleep with her, and so she lives up to this standard, sleeping with guys who she only recently met. Guys have picked up on this, and have strung her along as their 'booty call' when it is convenient for them, dropping her when it isn't. However, she wants this to change, and I believe she will start to treat having sex with someone more seriously than she has.
I don't judge. People can do whatever they want with their lives, and if they choose to sleep with lots of people, then all I will say is 'make sure you use protection'. Nevertheless I judge and hate people who blame sex and relationships on other people. Someone, who will remain nameless, slept with someone on the first day that they met, said to them that it was against their morals to have done so, and to perhaps not do it in future, conveniently forgetting that it takes two to tango. You can't have sex with someone and remain totally blameless and judgmental about it to the other person. You can't have your cake and eat it. It's like when men blame women for looking desirable, making it okay to rape and sexually harass someone on these grounds, Not allowed. It angers me so much it is unbelievable. I don't get wound up by too much, but that will do it for me. Hypocrisy combined with a bit of sexism. I have plenty more stories that play along these lines, but I will save them for another time and another post. Guys, listen carefully, I implore you. If you or your friends do this, please point out the horrible double standard you employ. If you sleep with a girl on the first date, and then judge her for it, but when your friends do it, you give them a high five, stop and think about what you're doing. Why is this fair? When is this fair? Ask yourself, if this was happening your sister, or cousin, or girlfriend, or even daughter, anyone you know, how would you feel about this?
Sex is a big deal, and it should be treated as such. Not such a big deal that it is a taboo subject, that's when judgments and uneducated mistakes starts to happen. It has to be discussed with as much seriousness as it allows. Don't be scared to ask about it, or bring up the uncomfortable issues surrounding it. If you are uncomfortable, or unsure about anything, ask. But remember to laugh. Sex is meant to be fun and enjoyable, no matter how much people like me rant about it. It is a closeness between two people who are living life in the way they choose, and that cannot be forgotten.