I originally had another post planned for today, but with things on my mind, I decided to draft it, and have another one today. It's a subject I haven't talked about before, but has been weighing on my mind pretty heavily recently. Alcohol.
On New Year, I drank pretty heavily. In fact, I drank so much that I still don't remember everything that happened. I was walked home by my friend's mum, and my mum put me to bed. The day after was one of the worst of my life. This wasn't just the hangover nausea that made it bad, although it didn't help. It was the emotional stress that I had. I felt like I had lost control over everything. My body. My mind. Everything I hold dear to myself. I had put my family through a horrible night. My mum and dad especially. I put my dad onto the couch, and worried the hell out of my mum. This may sound like a wholly middle class problem. I am not the worst, and I am not pretending to be. I know that it isn't as bad as some people's struggles with alcohol. I am the furthest thing from an alcoholic, and I am not suggesting that I have a problem with it. I just had a bad experience, and it has affected me.
The loss of control over yourself is not something I find fun. I have never found it fun. Getting drunk never appealed to me, much like jumping off a cliff doesn't appeal to anyone generally. So I would occasionally have a couple of drinks to loosen up when I went out with friends, and we'd have a good time. However, going to America perhaps meant that I didn't drink, and I missed going into bars and having fun with friends and this perhaps ended up meaning that I associated drinking with having fun. So when I got home I went out and got a little bit excited about the fact I could drink again. New Year was the start of that.
I thought I could move on from it. Don't go out for a while. No parties. Nothing. Go sober for a while, and see where it takes me. I'm not saying I'll never drink again, but never more than one. And not until I am able to smell alcohol without gagging. This will be a personal journey for me, and I don't know what I will end up doing. One thing I can say is that I will never get in that state again. I was lucky that I was in a place that someone could look after me, and make sure I got home in time.
Last semester at UNM, two girls were killed in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. Drink can cause so many problems if you are not safe about it. Know your limits. Don't drink and drive ever. Have at least one sober person in a group. Before you go to bed, drink three large glasses of water. Make sure you mix up your drinks with water, try every third drink being a soft drink or water.